The Way I See It - Here's Your (stupid) pill

The Way I See It - Here's your (stupid) pill
By: Doug Dickerson/Staff Writer
08/23/2006

Thanks to a German scientist, there is potentially new hope on the horizon for stupid people. As the report goes, a scientist has been testing an "anti-stupidity" pill with encouraging results on mice and fruit flies. According to the Bild newspaper, Hans-Hilger Ropers, director at Max-Planck-Institute for Molecular Genetics in Berlin, has tested a pill thwarting hyperactivity in certain brain nerve cells, helping stabilize short-term memory and improve attentiveness.
This encouraging news can't come soon enough as far as I am concerned. I don't want to be critical, but as a casual observer, there seems to be an abundance these days of stupid people. If simply taking a pill can reduce the population of the stupid, then I think we should give it a try. One of the pitfalls of this idea though is that the stupid people who need the pill are...well, too stupid to know they need it. This obstacle however, can be overcome by the charity of those who encounter the stupid.
One recommendation I read suggested we make signs. Stupid people should have to wear a sign that says, "I'm Stupid." This way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." This however, is where the opportunity for kindness kicks in. As opposed to being mean to the stupid person, you could actually do something to help. With the new anti-stupidity pill, you could kindly offer the stupid person a sample or two.
As for the short-term memory component of the research, I am thrilled with the possibility of a breakthrough. Nowhere could such research be more helpful than in the realm of grocery shopping.My wife hates to grocery shop and usually only goes under duress. However, in the grand scheme of things I suppose this is good for obvious reasons. A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on the Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
I was in Wal Mart with my girls the other day and in passing I made the observation to my youngest that I needed shampoo. I didn't say it for her benefit, but rather mine. The way I figured it, if I told her, perhaps she could remind me later that I needed it. However, Kara couldn't care less if I need shampoo and as a result of my (in)attentive shopping, I left the store with toothpaste instead. It's just a thought, but I could have used one of those anti stupidity pills as I made my way through the store that day.
The distribution of the anti stupidity pill would be easy to handle. The friendly greeter at the entrance to the store, after asking the little child if they would like one of those smiley face stickers, could then turn to the mom or dad and ask them if they would like an anti stupidity pill before beginning the shopping adventure. Imagine the possibilities that could come from such research.
Should Mr. Ropers successfully patent an anti stupidity pill, I might actually be able to get my wife to grocery shop with me more often. I can see it now: As we walk through the door and the greeter asks her if she would like an anti stupidity pill, my wife would simply smile back and point to me and say, "Please, Doug needs all the help he can get!"
©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006