The Way I See It - Is Santa a woman or a man?
The Way I See It
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
November 29, 2006
The Christmas season is upon us and the dash is on to get the perfect gift for that special someone. Children have made their lists and Santa will not rest until every child has that coveted new toy.
I recently came across this rather amusing description of who Santa is, perhaps you have seen it too, but wanted to share with my readers. Enjoy!
Santa Claus is a woman because:
* The vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
* For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh.
* Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
* For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
* He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:
* Santa doesn't deliver his presents on the Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
* Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve due to the cold or perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
* Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
* Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
* Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
* As many presents as Santa delivers, he has no trouble with babes.
* Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
* A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
* Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.
©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
November 29, 2006
The Christmas season is upon us and the dash is on to get the perfect gift for that special someone. Children have made their lists and Santa will not rest until every child has that coveted new toy.
I recently came across this rather amusing description of who Santa is, perhaps you have seen it too, but wanted to share with my readers. Enjoy!
Santa Claus is a woman because:
* The vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
* For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh.
* Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
* For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
* He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:
* Santa doesn't deliver his presents on the Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
* Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve due to the cold or perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
* Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
* Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
* Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
* As many presents as Santa delivers, he has no trouble with babes.
* Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
* A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
* Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.
©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006
posted by Doug Dickerson | 9:34 AM
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