The Way I See It - Not with my daughter

The Way I See It - Not with my daughter
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
September 28, 2007

If you can find the humor in anything, you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

I am the father of two daughters. The oldest is dating. I don’t know where the happy years went when she didn’t care about boys, but life has sure changed. Thankfully, I like this kid and his life, as of now, is not in jeopardy.

I suppose it’s just natural for fathers to be protective of their daughters and the knot-heads who come calling. Aside from telling him I could snap him like a bean, I do try to be cordial. At times, I still wonder why he appears to be timid about coming into the house, perhaps the point about snapping stuck.

I recently came across “Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter” and I thought it was most appropriate. I do not take credit for these rules, but pass them along for other fathers to read, revise or expand, as necessary.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

Enjoy your date!

Special Note: "Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter" was written by Bruce Cameron. His web address is: www.brucecameron.com

The Way I See It - Senility Prayer

The Way I See It
By: Doug Dickerson/Staff Writer
09/20/2006

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
- Mark Twain

As I was driving home the other day I was reminded of something a friend once told me about getting old. I had been complaining about my back aching, my head hurting, moving a bit slower these days, you know - just the general aches and pains of aging. "Just wait, you have so much to look forward to," she said.

I accept the inevitability of aging. I think it certainly has its advantages over the alternative. Far from being "old" by any stretch, I am at the age now that I used to think was "ancient" when I was a kid. Yet, life among the ancient is not so bad and I have no desire to return to the days of believing otherwise.
Speaking of old, I was reading some amusing epitaphs the other day. No, I was not trying to get any ideas, but I certainly found them to be thought provoking. These are actual epitaphs:

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread. And the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake: Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune.

In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!"

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God.

On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903-Died 1942: Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

The way we look at and accept the aging process is marked by the way in which we define it. I read once where you become 21, you turn 30, you're pushing 40, you reach 50, you make it to 60. Then you build up so much speed that you hit 70. After that, it's a day by day thing, you hit Wednesday.

Accepting the natural aging process is quite different from conceding to being old. In spite of having aches and pains, I still try not to be one and put up with those who are. It's been said that changing one's attitude is key to turning the corner on such issues. You know the old expression that it's just mind over matter. However, from my vantage point it appears to be more matter than mind.

As far as aging and mental faculties are concerned, I know there were a few things I wanted to address, but for the life of me, I just can't recall what they were. So I will close with The Senility Prayer - please join me as together we pray: "God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference."
Amen!



©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006

The Way I See It - All the news that's fit to be missed

The Way I See It - All the news that's fit to be missed
By: Doug Dickerson/Staff Writer 09/13/2006

Sanity calms but madness is more interesting
-John Russell


Perhaps my younger "hip" days are too far removed from me, but I just don't get the attraction and spotlight that is put on some things going on today. As we are concerned with fighting a war on terror, immigration and border security, mid-term elections...you know, things that are of consequential importance, there are just a few things I don't understand. Allow me to share a few examples.

I tuned in for Katie Couric's anchor debut on CBS the other day. The half hour news, news-magazine - whatever you want to call it, had a big splash about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby photos. Amazingly, there may be a few out there who might actually care about seeing the pictures, but can someone please explain the news worthiness of such coverage on the prime time evening newscast? Did this not belong perhaps on Entertainment Tonight as opposed to a "news" program? During the 30-minute newscast I was subjected to baby pictures and old footage of Hulk Hogan. Thanks CBS for putting the world in perspective for me.

Then, the other day the television networks were going nuts on another story. The amount of coverage was truly amazing. No, we had not signed a treaty with Iran over nuclear production, it was not an announcement that troops were coming home from Iraq, neither was it an announcement for the cure of cancer. So, what was this important story that was of such importance to the news outlets? Paris Hilton.

Yes, you heard me right, Paris Hilton. Paris was driving home the other night and was pulled over and charged for DUI. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not condoning DUI by Paris or anyone else, but I just don't get all the fuss over a talent-deprived, spoiled brat socialite as being worthy of that much coverage. Speaking about the incident Paris said, "Everything I do gets blown out of proportion. It really hurts my feelings." So, let me get this straight - Paris gets busted for DUI and then complains that her feelings are hurt. God help us!

Now, let me address something a little closer to home. As you have seen and read over the past few days, several young men from Wando High School were arrested for their alleged participation in armed robberies in the Mt. Pleasant area. It would seem by most accounts of the media coverage, both in print and on television, that the big story is that seven of these boys were football players, and one in particular was the star quarterback of the team.

Perhaps I am missing something here, but is the fact that the boys played football the real story here? The perception, right or wrong, is that more folks were concerned about the future of the football team and how they would fare in Friday Night's game than they are about the future of the boys involved. I know in the Lowcountry that football reigns supreme, and at the risk of upsetting the sports gods, can we not all agree that these boys from seemingly good, middle class families, have larger issues at hand than football?

These examples are but a snapshot of what I observe on a daily basis. I am sure there is enough blame to go around as to why we tolerate this madness. People gloat in the fall and misery of others and the media is all too eager to serve it up in large doses to satisfy that need.

However, the next time I want to get a good dose of madness, I wish they would leave the celebrities out of it and instead just show me what took place in Washington. That should be more than enough madness to satisfy my curiosity.


©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006

The Way I See It - Remembering September 11

The Way I See It - Remembering Sept. 11
By: Doug Dickerson/Staff Writer 09/06/2006

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
George Santayana, The Life of Reason, Volume 1, 1905
US (Spanish-born) philosopher (1863 - 1952)


Next week marks the five-year anniversary of the September 11 attacks. Where were you when you first heard about it? Whom did you call first? Who called you first? How did it make you feel to watch the towers burn?

As we mark this anniversary of that fateful day, I would like us to remember a few things that I think are so important during these hyper-partisan times we now live in. Moreover, in doing so, hopefully remind us that the things we share in common are more than the things that divide us.

First, we share a common enemy. Eric Hoffer once said, "You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." The goal of Islamic fascism is to instill fear, death and destruction; it is to destroy our very way of life. In short, what our enemy fears most from us is the foundational basis of our country: liberty and freedom. At all costs, we must defend what our ancestors fought and died for. People from all walks of life died on 9/11. The target was America, not Democrats nor Republicans, not rich nor poor, not gay nor straight, not black nor white. America. Five years later, we must remember that the goal of our enemy has not changed and neither should the resolve we all shared that day. Freedom and liberty must prevail and our enemy must be defeated. Winston Churchill once observed, "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last." Appeasing the enemy only delays his inevitable goal. Our shared enemy must be crushed.

Second, we share the same history. The experience of 9/11 taught us that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness secured for us many years ago, is still vulnerable today. Our shared history, regardless of other issues that divide us, bring us together in a cause greater than ourselves. The Judeo-Christian principles upon which America was founded were not by accident, but rather by design. We must understand that it is our philosophies of government, religion and freedom that are opposed by our enemies. Margaret Thatcher once observed, "Europe was created by history. America is a product of philosophy." Our founding principles are the cornerstones upon which we live today. Our defense of these principles must never waver. Thomas Jefferson said, "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." Today we chart our history from the perspective of history. In doing so, we must never forget 9/11.

Finally, we share the same future. The course we chart, the lessons we learn, all navigate for us a shared destiny. Abigail Adams observed, "Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence." As we pause, reflect and remember the tragic events of that September day, let us do so with a renewed vow and attend to it with due diligence. While we may not all share the same ideas on how to fight this war on terror, one thing is certain, we will all share the consequences of the outcome.

On this five-year anniversary of 9/11, let us not lose sight of our shared values and the noble cause of freedom that we enjoy today. Our future is only as secure as the value we place on this freedom.

On 9/11, we remember, honor and pay tribute to all who lost family, friends and loved ones. Let the way in which we remember and live be a worthy tribute to the memory of those not with us today. May God bless America.


©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006