The Way I See It - A degree of comfort

The Way I See It
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
January 31, 2007

A degree of comfort

When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure. -Alice Hoffman

The recent cold snap has rekindled the thermostat wars in our house. I would dare say some of you reading my column this week fight the same battle and I feel your pain.

I was introduced to this phenomenon as a young boy observing my mother. As I recall, mother always seemed to have about a one- or two-degree variance in her comfort level. If the temperature varied one or two degrees in either direction, she was either burning up or freezing, and adjustments were made accordingly.

On a family camping trip out west one summer, we pitched our tent a few miles from Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming. The plan was to go see Old Faithful. However, on an icy first day of summer, we packed up our gear and headed south. My mother made a promise that as long as she lived, she would never again complain about being hot. A few days later as we visited the Grand Canyon, and drove through the plains of Arizona, the temperature was a steamy 100 degrees, and my mother broke her promise. Reminding her of that promise served no purpose, she was hot — end of story.

As fate would have it, I am a hot box. One sheet on the bed in the summer or winter is more than enough for me. If I were single and living alone that would not be a problem, but the three females in the house have a voice and vote at the thermostat. One cold night not too long ago, I woke up sweating like a pig invited to a barbecue. In my groggy stupor my first thought was perhaps I was sick and running a fever. The thermostat prior to going to bed was, by my standards, set to a comfortable level. Soon I realized that I was not sick but that the heat was blazing hard enough to identify our house as source of global warming.

There are times when I observe them huddled up in blankets and robes, and wonder if I am being a horrible husband or father, allowing them to suffer like that. Yet when I walk down the hall to see the thermostat set close to 80 degrees, I know that the CEO at the electric company is going to get a nice Christmas bonus thanks to them, so the battle rages on.

A person’s comfort level is subjective and reminds me of the story about the man from Chicago who dies and goes to hell.
When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “It sometimes gets pretty uncomfortable down here.” The man says, “No problem. I’m from Chicago.”

The devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the thermostat up to 100 and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine. “No problem…just like Chicago in June,” the man says.

The devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable. “No problem. Just like Chicago in July,” the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems fine. He says, “No problem. Just like Chicago in August.”

The devil is perplexed now. He goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to minus 150 degrees. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deadly wasteland.
When he goes back now to see how the Chicago man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what is going on. To which the Chicago man replies…”The Cubs won the World Series! The Cubs won the World Series!”

©Summerville Journal-Scene 2007

The Way I See It - If you can't find it; grind it

The Way I See It - If you can't find it; grind it
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
January 24, 2007


Confucius says man who drives like hell bound to get there

In my lifetime, I’ve had the opportunity to teach several people to drive. The most recent person was my teenage daughter, who continues to do just fine depending on where she is going; there are times I wonder if I will ever see her again due to her DAL (driving around lost) disorder. That however, is a topic for another column.

The other day, the wife and I were out for a ride and she told me that she would like to learn how to drive the truck, which is a stick shift. After we had completed our round of stops, I took her to a spacious, unoccupied parking lot to get the lessons started. I figured we needed as much distance between our truck and any other parked vehicle or pedestrians as we could provide, just in case.

Alli got behind the wheel but her feet barely reached the pedals. After adjusting the seat so that my knees were in the dash, I commenced to teach her how to drive a stick shift.

I walked Alli through the idea of easing off the clutch while pressing on the gas to get things moving. With one hand on the wheel, one on the gearshift, one foot on the gas, and another on the clutch, it was forward - whiplash - stop - forward - whiplash…well, you get the idea. Despite the whole eye, hand, foot coordination challenge, and the occasional whiplash, we wheeled our way around the parking lot.

Danika Patrick she is not, but after a few laps, we were both pleased with her progress. I was not sure other drivers were ready to share the road with her, but I told her since she was feeling so good about things, she could drive us home. Ten minutes later we pulled up to the house, she felt 16 again, and I was just glad to feel blood circulating in my legs again.
Men, before you commence to knocking women drivers, or expressing your frustrations with them on the road, allow me to share this observation with you. I don’t know who wrote the following, but take it to heart.

“I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.

I drive 38 miles each day to work. That's 76 miles round trip and of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass another car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31, 424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36, 000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18, 000. In any given group of females, one in 28 is having the worst day of their period. That is 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70 percent of women describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22 percent of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98. In addition, 34 percent describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5 percent of all females carry weapons, and the number is increasing.

That means, that every single day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't dream of flipping her off.”

©Summerville Journal-Scene 2007

The Way I See It - The Nanny-boy State

The Way I See It
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
January 17, 2007

The Nanny-boy state

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-Benjamin Franklin

I attended Governor Sanford’s Inauguration last week and listened with much appreciation to some of the remarks he made. One of the big issues of his second term will be that of restructuring state government. Restructuring state government will be a monumental task but one that is long overdue and necessary.

In order to see these much needed changes take place, he will have to overcome what I affectionately refer to now as the Nanny-boy state. I define the Nanny-boy state as something of a cross between government-nanny types trying to meddle in our everyday lives coupled with the good ole boy system of governing – thus we have a Nanny-boy state of government.

Allow me to illustrate.
There are laws on the books in South Carolina that are simply archaic and need a proper burial. Here are a few examples:
Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday
A permit must be obtained to fire a missile
Horses may not be kept in bathtubs
Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state
Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks
It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide
It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the courthouse steps on Sunday
Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses

As archaic and silly as these laws may be, the way in which government continues to intrude upon our personal liberties on a daily basis is equally disturbing to me. I am sure you have read about the smoking law ordinance in Charleston that just received approval in its first reading.

I am not a smoker. I quit smoking in my early teen years after burning part of the field down out behind our house. In as much as I appreciate smoking bans in public places for the health and safety of all persons, one has got to be concerned when the government arbitrarily intervenes on behalf of “public safety” and takes away the rights of private property owners by forcing them to ban smoking in their establishments. Any decision made to ban smoking or not to in a privately owned establishment ought to be made by the private property owner, not the Nanny-boy state.

Government is making criminals out of restaurant and bar owners and their patrons over a legal substance, regulated by the government. When this liberty is taken away, which liberty will be next to go and when does it stop? While the Nanny-boy state is busy making criminals out of smokers, the streets are riddled with bullets, drugs, gangs, and thugs — the real criminal element surely must delight that the focus is off of them.

Governor Sanford in his speech, wisely said, “The answer to many of South Carolina’s challenges lies not in more government, but in more freedom for each South Carolinian.”

Government has a proper role and function in the state. Our Founders believed its role and function should be limited. James Madison said, “I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations.”

I wish Governor Sanford all the best as he endeavors to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States,” because the Nanny-boys will not go out without a fight.

©Summerville Journal-Scene 2007

The Way I See It - Graceland at Christmastime

The Way I See It
By Doug Dickerson
Staff Writer
January 10, 2007

I want to entertain people. That’s my whole life. To my last breath.
-Elvis Presley

I was in Memphis for New Years visiting my family. My plan during the few short days there was to take Kara, our little “Teddy Bear,” on a tour of Graceland since she has become quite the Elvis fan. I was sixteen years old when Elvis died and remember the events of those days vividly. Elvis’ music and legend continues and a new generation of fans, my daughter among them, lives on. As something of a humorous undertaking, each member of our household has been assigned an Elvis song title as a theme song.

On the designated day of our pilgrimage to Graceland, Kara was “All Shook Up” as it was raining buckets and making the long trip across town was just “Too Much.” In addition, a large family gathering was scheduled for the afternoon and there would be “Crying in the Chapel” if we bailed on that event.

My oldest daughter Katelyn, the “Devil in Disguise,” had movie plans with my niece and the window of opportunity was rapidly closing on the Elvis excursion. I figured “It’s Now or Never,” and a compromise was reached. I listened to the “Hard Headed Woman”, my wife, who suggested I pick the girls up from the movie and take all of them to Graceland. “Suspicious Minds” worried that Graceland might be closed New Years Day, and sadly, our suspicions proved to be true.

It was dark as we drove across Memphis and not wanting to end up “In the Ghetto,” I relied on the directionally challenged guidance of my older daughter. The highly anticipated moment arrived as I drove the girls by the Lisa Marie, Elvis’ airplane, which is parked across the street from Graceland and next to “The Heartbreak Hotel.” After a few moments of gawking at the Lisa Marie, we headed across the street to the only open gift shop. After picking up a few magnets, postcards and key chains, we walked down to the gated entrance of Graceland.

The grounds of Graceland at Christmas are beautiful. Blue lights line the drive; a nativity is there among many other lighted decorations. It’s been said that the mansion is still decorated the same way it was when Elvis was alive. A few other folks braved the cold elements and took in the sights along with us. The girls seemed to have a big time taking in the sights so it was not a “Blue Christmas” by any stretch.

After seeing Graceland, we headed back to the house to give a full report and account of our adventure. The drive back to the house had “A little less conversation” as they soaked in all that they had seen. I knew they would “Love Me Tender” for taking them to Graceland for such a memorable visit.

Everyone enjoyed hearing about our pilgrimage and I knew the “Hard Headed Woman” would be thrilled that the girls saw Graceland; and that her “Big Hunk O’ Love” had saved the day! After almost losing Grace and Katelyn in London a few years back, I think they all just breathed a sigh of relief that I brought them back home.

“Now and Then, A Fool Such as I” has to realize it’s tough being the “Hound Dog” of the family.

©Summerville Journal-Scene 2007

The Way I See It - Remembering President Ford

The Way I See It
By Doug Dickerson

Remembering President Ford

The character of every act depends upon the circumstances in which it is done. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The first presidential memoir I read was “A Time To Heal,” by President Gerald R. Ford. As a young teenager, I admired the way he stepped into roles not of his own choosing, and the way in which he unselfishly served his country.

Referred to by many as the “accidental” President, Ford’s goal was to become Speaker of the House, not President. But the call of destiny chose Ford for a time in history that would propel him beyond his own aspirations to serve his country with greater distinction.

President Ford helped restore confidence in government after the shame and disgrace brought upon our country by the Watergate scandal and resignation of Richard Nixon. “Our long national nightmare is over,” declared Ford as he assumed the Presidency. It was his strong character and decency that earned him the respect of Democrats and Republicans.
One month after he assumed the presidency, he granted Nixon a full pardon. That move was seen by many at the time to be the single event that cost him his chance at re-election two years later. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Ford demonstrated that the greatest use of power is not in the promotion of self-interest, but rather in the greater interest of the people you serve. In retrospect, the majority of Americans now believe the pardon was indeed the correct thing to do.

As a standout collegiate athlete, a star football player at Michigan, Ford developed a reputation as somewhat of a klutz. Be it falling down the ramp off Air Force One or those infamous tee shots on the golf course that invariably hit an innocent bystander, Ford was a man certainly comfortable in his element. I remember going to the Pro-Am at the St. Jude Golf Classic in Memphis one year when Ford played. I was standing at the first tee when Ford’s group, comprised of President Ford, Bob Hope and Phil Donahue, teed-off. Thankfully, I was not a victim of one of his infamous tee shots, but I vividly recall what a nice man he was as he spoke to several of us in the galley.

It’s been over 30 years now since Ford served as President. The tone in Washington since that time has grown increasingly more partisan, vindictive and divisive. Yet, in the passing of a man of Ford’s stature comes a refreshing reminder that character and decency are still the qualities that we admire in our public servants. The man who narrowly beat Ford in the 1976 election, President Jimmy Carter, in tribute said, “President Ford is one of the most admirable public servants and human beings I have ever known.” Carter further stated, “A man of highest integrity, his life-long dedication to helping others touched the lives of countless people. An outstanding statesman, he wisely chose the path of healing during a deeply divisive time in our nation's history. He frequently rose above politics by emphasizing the need for bipartisanship and seeking common ground on issues critical to our nation. I will always cherish the personal friendship we shared.”

The day Ford became President he said, “Our Constitution works. Our great republic is a government of laws, not of men.” A man of character, integrity and decency, Ford understood it perhaps better than most. The ‘accidental” President was truly the right man at a bad time in American history to remind us all, as he once said, that, “Truth is the glue that holds government together, not only our government but civilization itself.”

Thank you, President Ford.

©Summerville Journal-Scene 2006